Jim MacLean died last week. He was a longtime friend of our family and brother of one of my best friends, Hal MacLean. Jim was the the singer songwriter for Sewer Trout, which happened to be one of the very first bands that lead me to punk rock, back in 1989. However, that's not how I thought of him because, unlike Keri and most of the people at his memorial, I never met Jim until he moved back to California in 1999. After Jim and Heidi married, Keri and I visited them several times at their house in Sacramento. Jim had a nice enclosed back porch with a couch and chairs and a record player where he could drink Budwiesser, smoke, and watch his dogs run around the backyard. However, we didn't sit back and shoot the shit for hours or anything like that. As I remember, most of the time was spent corralling my kids and talk centered on them or the dogs. Jim was always accommodating with his beer and letting me pick out records to play. He was the only friend I ever had who wore a cowboy hat.

Jim was not a live fast, die young type of character. He attempted to live a full life. I think that's part of what makes his suicide so upsetting for those who knew him. I have no idea what medications Jim was on or off at the time of his death, but I know people who are always trying to "go off their meds" because meds can change the very essence of who they are, rob them of their creativity, and change their personality. However, going off them can lead to an inescapable terror that is more horrible than any other sickness or pain I've ever witnessed. I wasn't there when Jim was at his lowest, but I've seen what mental illness can do to people -when they aren't putting up a brave front. Therefore, I don't have any misgivings toward Jim for the choice he made. Then again, I'm not the one most effected. Luckily Hal has a swarm of good friends who want to be there for him and his family, people really came out to help out at the memorials and they won't be forgotten.

For the Jim Maclean memorial go to Dave Smith's site at: http://nokilli.com/rtw/: